Sunday, August 9, 2009

The abitlity to change lives

There is something I would like to share with you. As a reaction to my last LO "Swallow", my sweet friend Jocelyn sent me the following comment:

"Wow....Peggy this one had to be a difficult one to do!!!!! What a sad experience.....and the impact it has held on you to this day!!!! Actions by those that we cared about at one time, can be so strong in our lives....and I wish for RESOLUTION....ACCEPTANCE....for you to be able to move on!!!!! It is not acceptance of their behavior...but acceptance of control in your life!!!! Do Not allow them to still hold a dark place in your heart.....you are in control and you have much more room for POSITIVE people who can fill you with LOVE!!!! The stitching of the title is awesome....the real pain...exudes from this LO!!!! I adore you...I support you.....I hold you close!!!! Sending you friendship and love across the seas to enrich you and your beautiful family!!!! "

Some of you commented that making this LO must have been therapeutic ... well, actually, it didn't help much. I liked making it though, the dark side of me really liked making this LO. I enjoyed making the page as grim as I knew how to, and drawing the skulls and putting them over their images, well, I must admit that just gave me an evil thrill and it actually put a smile on my face. So with making this LO, I didn't come any closer to accepting the situation, nor did I get rid of the hatred I feel. I actually felt pleasure making this LO, a fact that scares me a bit, but then again, not all that much ... I know I have this side to me, but I also know I have a warm and caring side to me as well ... a side which I reserve for people who I feel that deserve it.

However, I'll get to the point I want to make today before I start scaring everyone off LOL. Not the making of the LO, but he comments I have received have been therapeutic, more than I had imagined them to be. And especially the one from Jocelyn made me stop and think. I do have to take control, no one but me can let go of that hatred. Especially the sentence where she said I was allowing them to hold a dark place in my heart got to me ... I AM allowing them to still matter, I AM giving them the power to feel something I don't want to feel ... I had never looked at it that way, and it's definitely another way to look at things, this really opens a door for change, not of the situation itself, but a change to how I have to deal with this. I have been brooding too much about the how's and why's, which come to think of it really isn't all that important ... it is what it is, and I have to let it go and move on. Of course reading this comment hasn't gotten rid of the hate in my heart ... but it has given me hope that I just might overcome this, a way out of this negative spiral ... I realise know that it's up to me to change how I feel ... I've been acting like a victim in this whole situation, and realising that it's time to let go is a huge step in the right direction for me. Letting go will be the next ... this won't be easy, my emotions often get the better of me, but I will try to take control!

Thank you so much Jocelyn, you are a true friend. You gave me the following award the other day, and in accepting it I should list 10 things I love about blogging.

I hope you don't mind, but I'm just going to give you one thing I love about blogging, because all the other things are fun but obvious, like finding inspiration and so on ... we all feel this way about blogging, otherwise we wouldn't do it as often. And I knew up front it was going to be this way, anyone who spends some time on the internet, even before starting their own blog, knows this.

However, the one thing that surprised me and makes me want to come back for more and more, is the friendship I feel in the comments I receive. I really feel people care, and in return, I care for them. Some of your stories make me laugh, others make me cry, and some even make me lose some sleep worrying everything will be okay ... which is amazing in itself isn't it, caring so much for people you haven't even met in real life? And once in awhile, a comment like the one Jocelyn wrote to me has the ability to change lives ... now this would have to be the one thing I like best about blogging. Thank you so much my sweet friend, I can honestly say I love you!

Have you ever received a comment that changed your life, or that made you think about the path your taking? If so, please grab this award, leave me a link and share your story with me/us. I would love to hear how blogging has affected you!

Love xxx Peggy

15 comments:

  1. Hai Peggy,

    Wow, dat zijn me een paar pittige posts, de afgelopen dagen..
    Ik had je layout al op Gutter Girlz gezien en was er toen al behoorlijk van onder de indruk. Sowieso omdat je je gevoelens zo goed onder woorden kunt brengen (niet alleen in het nederlands maar vooral in het engels! Jee, wat is jouw engels goed zeg!!)Eigenlijk ben ik een beetje 'bang' om met scrappen zo diep te gaan, zeker als ik weet dat anderen het ook gaan lezen. Ik vind het schitterend hoor, zoals jij dat doet, begrijp me niet verkeerd, maar ik geloof niet dan het iets voor mij is. Ben op m'n blog altijd een beetje terughoudend met prive dingen, hou het liever wat 'oppervlakkig', terwijl ik in werkelijkheid niet zo ben. Maar terugkomend op jouw layout, ik vind hem prachtig!! En heel indrukwekkend!!!
    Ik hoop dat je deze gebeurtenis een plaats kunt geven in je leven. En ik wens je rust toe rondom dit hele drama.
    Je bent een topper!!

    XXXJenneke

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  2. Oh My Sweet, Sweet Peggy...when I opened this post today I was astonished!!!!! I truly connect with you, I truly value you, and you know I truly love you also!!!! We have been connected and drawn to one another and my heart is heavy when I see the pain that you have experienced and then I am lifted up when I see the joy in your life!! Thank you for this post....for it is not always the posts that say great LO have a good day....but it is about the posts that say....I read, I listened, I care!!!! I hope you know how much I care for you!!!!! You have supported me in so many ways and left true heartfelt comments that have made me feel loved!!!! So with that I am Happy that you were able to see the love and caring pour out to you in the post!!!! Keep smiling and loving that wonderful family of yours.....this is what life is all about!!!! Smiles to you today! :)

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  3. hey, een boekje maken is echt niet zo moeilijk hoor! Ik gebruik wel voor de voor en achterzijde, karton (meestal van de achterkant van een scrapblok, of cursusblok) en beide zijden beplak ik dan. (Eerst spaarde ik de boekjes die mijn man meebracht en ik gebruikt dan de ringen en de kaft. Ik klopte dan met mijn hamertje gaatjes en stak zo een boekje ineen Kijk maar eens bij mijn oudere post, ik denk verjaardagsboekjes) Ik zorg er wel voor dat ik eerst mijn pagina afwerk voor ik hem op mijn karton plak, want anders zit je daar met je eyelets,... Voor mijn vakantieboekje nu gaan we nu elke dag wat schrijven en op de open plaatsen plak ik dan later, in verschillende formaten foto's. Ik heb ook wel op verschillende pagina's een omslagje gemaakt (zie je niet op de foto's) waarin er dan plannetjes, tickets,... gaan. Vorige jaar verjaarde ik net en toen zat er zelfs de versiering van mijn cocktail bij... Veel mogelijkheden dus.
    Je moet eens op de site kijken van: Monique's scrapsite. Ze heeft deze al heeeel lang niet bijgewerkt, maar daar vind je enorm veel ideetjes en uitleg (stap voor stap) echt de moeite.

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  4. Jocelyn and you both brought tears to my eyes, I read through your last post and looked at your layout and went on a journey between that and this post, one of pure honesty and courage and strength. There are reasons people step into our lives and this was one of those extraordinary times. It is no accident.
    I let out a big sigh.....
    I see many things, but here right now I see a bond between two amazing women and the very start of resolution and renewal for you dear Peggy.
    Thank God for Jocelyn, and much peace for you.
    They are my wishes
    hugs
    xxxxxxx

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  5. Peggy- If you are able to make some peace for yourself...Then your lo is true therapy as are the kind honest words of your friends.
    Thank you for answering my question. Now to answer yours. I have only once framed a lo. That was over a year ago when I first started to scrap. It was a gift for my hubby for father's day. I never noticed any fading...but I never had it in direct sunlight. It now is hung in my hubby's work space at work. It's not in direct sunlight there either. I'll have to ask him how it's doing...but I think you are right. It probably will fade with time. I'm sure there are some sorts of protective measures to take to prevent or minimize fading. I'd also Like to display some special lo's of the kids in the future.

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  6. Hi.... just a quick pop in but i will be back.. just wanted to say a big well done to chloe for her LO she created for the Aussie scrap jack... and I really hope you have ago this month to Peggy... I know they did look tricky but just go with what you feel. I am sure it will be awesome... must daash baby calls... back later to catch up on your blog! Thanks fore poping into mine and leaving beautiful comments too!
    take care
    Leeann xx

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  7. Oh my Peggy! I was out of the blogging loop over the weekend so I missed your last post...until today. How heartbreaking to have experienced that kind of pain...the kind that only comes from seeing your child hurt. It hits us deeper and harder than any other kind of hurt, does it not? And I totally understand how hard it is to let go. But I'm glad you are seeing that in holding on, you are giving them power. Through my divorce, I experienced so much pain, but none greater than seeing my children crushed. I cried and agonized more over their hurt than any other thing regarding the horrible process. But what got me through was praying for those that hurt my children. I know that sounds crazy, but I wanted them to find peace so that maybe they would quit inflicting the pain on my children. And it worked. Time past and wounds began to heal. Unfortunately, I believe my daughter will always carry some scars but at least the gaping wounds have closed.

    I'm proud of you for taking this leap into the "dark side of you". Sometimes it is the only way to move on. All my love to you!

    xoxo
    L

    P.S. I actually popped in to answer your question about the Serendipity contest. LOL! It was a very good question. One I didn't have the answer to, but I went to the powers that be and got the answer. There just needs to be a definite title. The lettering does not need to be clear. The wording was confusing, even to those of us for whom English is our ONLY language. LOL!

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  8. i am sure you are angry. i would be too. i never understood when adults fight why the punish the children involved, she was just a child and didn't do anything wrong, let alone understand it. i, too, struggle with forgiveness and tell myself that i forgave them but in reality i never did. i believe that negative emotions eat away at us and are unhealthy yet i hold onto them for some reason. i think what peggy said was so true

    this reminds me of a project i am working on right now, LOL! ;)

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  9. Dear Peggy, I'm sorry I missed commenting on your last post - but I wanted to say how I admire your honesty and bravery and am constantly inspired by your daring to scrap your real life and trying new things - I really hope that with time, you will be able to forgive and feel at peace with what happened.

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  10. You are right, you described my feeling exactly, the friends made thru blogging are so special. Won't it be something if the real world was this friendly!!!

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  11. I don't have any good stories but everytime someone comments on my blog it makes me feel more connected. Like there are people out there that care what I say, or make, or do. Maybe that sounds silly but it does warm my heart and I have enjoyed meeting so many people that I otherwise would have never met if it weren't for blogging (you included!!) And don't feel bad, I too have a bad side that I have to keep under control (and sometimes it gets away on me in the form of road rage, extreme temper tantrums, etc..) but all in all I'm a good person! haha

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  12. hi peggy!!!

    i've been trying to find your email but can't find it so i'm gonna leave a comment hoping that you'd email me at janis@scrapstreet.com.

    have a super duper big favor to ask. thanks hun. be waiting for your email (praying you read this soon). ;o)

    janis

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  13. First off, I had to go back and look at your LO.....it is really powerful....not all scrapbooking has to cover birthday parties and happy moments. I have a daughter with severe mental and physical impairments and some of my LO's have been painful that express my sadness over her situation.....our situation. I love her to pieces, but it has been a TOUGH road. Blogging has uplifted me in many ways because when I post her milestones in my scrappy pages people are so incredibly kind. Their words are so uplifting. It makes my day! What a wonderful group of women scrapbookers are! I hope you allow that anger to disappear. For your own sake.......that's a hard thing to carry around.....
    Hugs to you!

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  14. Ja hoor hij is helemaal voor jou je hebt hem verdient.


    Groetjes Ilonka

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  15. Hi Peggy !

    I thought it was brave of you to share the layout that you did for the Gutter Girlz challenge . I can relate somewhat !

    There are people I would no longer want to scrap about nor to be in my layouts especially with my kids ! Alas I am not so brave to express the same things as you did !

    You go grrl !

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